"Then what was the purpose of the invitation?" I demanded to know. After all, I was the one doing all the work-all they needed to do was indicate whether they were coming or not (and show up close to on time).īut according to S, no one would come if I didn't call. A phone call? You mean I needed to chase folks down to determine if they were coming? I was already up to my neck in party planning activities-where was I going to find the time to call all these people? The purpose of the invite was for them to call me. He asked if I had followed up the paper invitation with a phone call. We were planning on catering the event and had no idea of a headcount. I mentioned to S that I hadn't heard from anyone but a handful of folks. So I prepared for the rush of acceptances. And I waited.Ī few emails trickled in from non-family members and cousins who were close to my age. I mailed them with a little bit of anxiety because this would be the first event that I would host for the family. And I gave folks the option to RSVP by phone or email, thinking about my own busy schedule and wanting to give them different options for working me into their day. I put a lot of thought into the invitations and had them printed with matching envelopes and return labels. In this case, I was expecting approximately 75 people, coming from about 35 households. Invitations are by default extended to all persons in the household. The gathering was limited to "immediate" family, which in a Bengali/Indian household can approximate anywhere in the range of 50 - 100 people as a result of reciprocal invite practices and whether the invited individuals have children or other family members staying with them at the time. And I was in charge of her bridal shower. But perhaps there is something about the RSVP itself that lends itself to this sort of social silence. And with the popularity of text messaging, you don't even have to call! Yet, many hosts are often frustrated by a lack of responses. What is so hard about letting the host know whether you can attend? In many cases, the work has been done for you: virtual invitations require clicking the appropriate radio button, while paper invitations might contain a pre-stamped RSVP card or clear instructions on how to contact the host. Much has been written about the decline of the RSVP. The following has been edited from its original posting for clarity and relevance, and presents a some new thoughts on the matter. Titled "RSVP-A Cultural Construct?," it examined the obligations that invitations carry. I returned the RSVP card for a wedding earlier this week, and it made my think of this piece from the archives.
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